mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
