So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize