So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
