I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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