sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
