i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
