I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
