Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
