All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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