my shit smells like andre
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize