part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
