I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
