I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This toilet bowl is my home.
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