He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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