someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its about making memories worth repressing
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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