She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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