the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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