Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
