Pants 0. Shit 1.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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