oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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