She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
