Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize