girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
