woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
