i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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