Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
