My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
