dude i'm inner monologue high
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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