Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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