i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
