haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
