batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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