Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
