I could make wine with my vomit
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
