Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
