Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
