i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
