just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize