:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
