one two three fourrrrnication!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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