I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
