dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sarcasm needs its own font
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
