nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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