I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
