We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
