ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
