We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
