This show inspires me to have sex in space
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
