Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
