Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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