the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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