Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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