if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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