I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
