don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize