I'm really into asian looking animals
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
