i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
a search helicopter?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
