woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
