I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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