I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
