Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
