omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
