Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize