Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize