Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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