apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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