wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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