we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
