I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
