imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
