sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
