I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
