He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
