Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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