Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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