True but thats because hes a fetus.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
