I wish I could punch you in the face.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
