I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
