plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize