Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
