Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
