i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she pinky promised me she was 18
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize