Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
