so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
