What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
