Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize