pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
