Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
