I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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