all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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