I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I love you. Go after that dick
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