Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
