I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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