the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
