shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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