She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found your dick twin last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
