I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
