I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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