i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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