she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will be naked everywhere
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
