Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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