he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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