she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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