im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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