I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
